


the stars as my witness

by valarus (aerinmelkor)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abused Harry Potter, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Harry Potter Has PTSD, Healing from trauma, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Not Beta Read, Psychological Trauma, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:01:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29976375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aerinmelkor/pseuds/valarus
Summary: [the original character tag is due to an entirely new magical species i made, there's no actual oc in this. remix with linked inspirations, will also be mentioned in 1st chapter. tags and rating subject to change; will put in a chapter to warn of changes and specify them.]this fanfiction will be dealing with uncomfortable subjects, see tags.harry james potter, the boy who lived (in a cupboard under the stairs of the dursley home) did not turn out alright at all. uncle vernon was old school in the sense that he thought physical punishments would somehow cure a child from "peculiar behavior." it doesn't help that uncle vernon encourages his child dudley to participate in tormenting harry. however, his life begins to change when he meets hagrid, and then y/n. exactly what happens? read on.
Relationships: Harry Potter & Original Character(s), Harry Potter/Original Female Character(s), Harry Potter/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	1. fanfic details

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Brutal Harry](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/774798) by LordsFire. 
  * Inspired by [Skeletons in the Closet](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18228266) by [CleotheDreamer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CleotheDreamer/pseuds/CleotheDreamer). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DO NOT SKIP
> 
> this covers important details about the contents of this fanfic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just so you know, i will be doing proper capitalization for the actual chapters. everywhere else will be lowercase because i just prefer doing it that way. 
> 
> this first chapter is just details, i will definitely get the actual fanfic out. i just want to get a lot of the writing done before i start publishing chapters of the actual fanfic. the main reason is so that i have enough material that if i take a break, i can still update regularly. i also just wanted to publish it so i could keep all the tags and not have to worry about draft expiration.
> 
> REMINDER: this fanfic will deal with many uncomfortable things. read on at your discretion.
> 
> PLEASE READ THIS CHAPTER THOROUGHLY BEFORE BOOKMARKING OR SUBSCRIBING.

_ **GENERAL FANFIC DETAILS** _

This fanfic starts a few days out from when Hagrid gives Harry his letter. However, there will be a prologue that occurs prior to the moment I stated in the previous sentence. Harry's abuse will not be as extreme as some fanfics write it out to be, but it will still be disturbing. And there will definitely be more than one reference to the abuse. This fanfic will also quickly diverge from the canon though not too far. The main events will occur for the most part, but there will be changes here and there.

There will be no magical trauma healing moments. Instead, there will be a lot of frustrating moments and potentially "toxic" moments during this fanfic. More than once, Harry will be a total jerk towards other characters as he grows as a person. There will be moments where as the reader, you might feel angry or frustrated with him as a character and the portrayal. But in the end, the story should end on a good note where Harry is healing from his past and moving on with his life. For anyone wondering, reader and Harry is the endgame.

Harry's portrayal is partially inspired by "Brutal Harry." Other aspects are from personal experience, secondhand experience, and research from reliable sources. There will also be mention of various symptoms derived from various mental illnesses. Please note that having a symptom for something does not mean I am writing Harry to have it. I want it to reflect real life; sometimes you have symptoms for a certain disorder that do not get diagnosed as such. So while he may exhibit symptoms of various disorders, the only one I will be considering diagnosed in this fanfic is PTSD (as seen in the tags). 

I am definitely willing to add other characters to the fanfic to increase the diversity in the Harry Potter Universe within this fanfic. If any of you have original characters that represent individuals left out of the canon work, feel free to leave me a comment! I cannot guarantee that the character will be added or how often they show up in the fanfic, but I'd be open to considering it. However, I will not be accepting characters that are made just to pair with a canon character. 

This fanfic is the sole version of the fanfic that I will write; there will be no gender variations of this work. I do not want to misrepresent other gender identities I lack enough knowledge of. 

_ **INFORMATION ABOUT THE READER (AS A CHARACTER)** _

The reader is a Full-Valarus who will be sorted into Gryffindor (mainly so there are many opportunities to interact with Harry). This reader will be **female**. The reader will use female pronouns, have a female body, and identify as a female.

(Y/N) is for your name, since it saves me time to type that. You will not be able to change your middle or last name in the fanfic for a few reasons. First, I plan on making more than one fanfic using the species and perhaps even in this specific AU (alternate universe). So by having a middle name unique to each inserted reader, it makes it easy to track and refer to the different readers. Otherwise if I mention (Y/N) and (Y/N) it would cause a lot of confusion. Second, I also plan to use the same full name [(Y/N) Melkor Valari] for other pairings with Harry Potter and a Valarus reader. Keeping this same format makes it easier for me, as the author, to identify the pairing I am writing for. Even for the ones where the reader is not a Valarus, I plan on keeping the same middle name as an indicator. Third, I want to remind readers that this character is non-human to some degree (like Veelas).

(Y/N) will have some physical scars which have special backstories. None of the scars are self-inflicted. (Y/N) will also have some triggers for memories that were repressed from childhood. There may also be instances where (Y/N) does become obsessive, anxious, or otherwise unstable emotionally. 

Besides (Y/N), I may mention other abbreviations such as...

(s/c) - skin color

(h/c) - hair color [however, there will be occasions where the hair color for you is set at a certain color like blue or something]

(e/c) - eye color

(f/c) - favorite color

_ **ABOUT THE VALARI** _

So in this fanfic you will meet a species of non-human magical creatures known as Valari (plural)/Valarus (singular). I wanted to make a non-human species that blends into the Wizarding community like the Veelas. I borrowed the word "valar" from J.R.R. Tolkien's works, specifically _The Silmarillion_. The Valar in _The Silmarillion_ are very powerful beings and I liked that name. Either way, if there are enough people interested, then I will post up the information I wrote about the species.

The basic information you need to know is that you, the reader, are a Valarus. When it comes to Valari, they have different amounts of magic and that's how they distinguish each other. I will include an image below to show how they're determined.

So in the image above, you can get an idea of how the various types are determined. The base of the whole threshold would be wizardkind and they build the rest of the thresholds above that. Essentially, most Valari are considered Quarter, not due to heritage but power. Anything that falls above the strongest wizard is considered Quarter unless they are at least two times stronger than the wizardkind bracket. In those cases, they are considered Half due to the amount of magic. Full-Valari have the most magic and are typically the children of two Valari. This is due to magic being something that comes from both parents like genes from two human parents. This does not disqualify children who only have one parent who is a Valarus, it's just extremely rare. 

While I'm on the topic of the species, I wanted to mention that there may be instances where readers may not agree with the way the species views certain things. Often, these conflicts of interest will be be due to the fact that their views on certain things are different. It's like how people sometimes affix human values on animals. I will make sure to fully explain why the Valari, as a species, find certain behaviors socially acceptable. However, there may still be certain things that are upsetting to readers. I won't go into further detail about the species, a lot more about them will be revealed in the fanfic. 

_ **RELEASE SCHEDULE** _

I am hoping to get over halfway through my intended plot before I begin to publish these chapters. Depending on how fast I manage to write, I may be able to get chapters out starting in April/May 2021 or maybe late March 2021. I don't have a specific idea of when I will get to a point where I feel ready to start publishing chapters. I definitely want to stay ahead by a chapter or two though.

I don't currently have a beta reader, but if I do get one it will probably take longer since the reader will have to go through things.

_ **LENGTH** _

I am thinking that this story will be at least 10 chapters (of fanfic) depending on how I decide where each chapter begins and ends. I will probably be doing about a thousand words at least per chapter.

_ **STYLE** _

In terms of writing style, I will be doing a 3rd person for this rather than a first or second person. Most of the time, readers will follow (Y/N) or Harry, but there will be times where we jump into the minds of other characters. We may also zoom out and look at the overall picture of what is going on.

I may have quotes at the beginning or the end of the stories. I will probably also use the first note of each chapter to do a small preview and mention anything to be aware of in terms of triggering stuff.

There will also be chapters that split up the plot just to warn of anything that readers may not have anticipated that will be coming up. For example, if I have changed the rating or if there's a new tag that I've added to the story. I plan on inserting those chapters to inform readers of the change to give them the opportunity to stop reading if the topic makes them uncomfortable. I may also add a TL;DR version of what happens, if requested. But usually it will just be there to warn readers of what will happen in the next chapter (in terms of tags).

I am definitely a rambler and my personal writing style tends to reflect a stream of consciousness writing style. The dialogue may seem a bit funky (something I struggle with) and I definitely do over-describe certain things. There will be experimentation in terms of literary style throughout the fanfiction. 

_ Thank you so much if you decided to stick around after all this rambling. I just wanted to make sure that everyone who wishes to read this is well aware of what they're going to be reading. And also because I don't want anyone to say that I did not give a fair warning of what will/could happen in this fanfic. I also hope that this wall of text does not bother anyone. I'd rather be too specific and share too much about what to expect instead of having to handle people saying that I was not specific enough. _

_**UPDATE** (03.16.2021) - I would like to note that what I have mentioned about the content is subject to change. I will mention changes in the note at the beginning (after the chapter summary). However, please be aware that content may diverge from what is stated here as the story progresses. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i took inspiration from these fanfics: brutal harry by lordsfire (ff.net), skeletons in the closet by cleothedreamer (ao3). these fanfics should be linked along with any other fanfics i end up taking concepts or ideas from.


	2. prologue (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the moment when (y/n) learns what a valarus is & harry living with the dursleys is far from pretty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gonna be honest, i did change my mind about the abuse to some degree (as in describing the severity) as i was writing vernon's perspective. the more i think about vernon, the more i realize how likely he'd lose it. considering what i remember of his behavior, it's hard not to think about how terribly worse he could treat harry. i also split up the prologue since i had about a thousand words and still wasn't satisfied. this first segment is when reader & harry are six. things will probably continue to deviate from what i originally stated in the first chapter. there will be an update to that chapter to note that detail.

Ten children stood before a blonde woman who looked to be in her early twenties. The children were all around the same height at about four feet tall. A pair of twins, Evelyn and Evan, stood beside the woman on her left. They held hands with one another as Evelyn clutched the woman’s skirt. The twins had chocolate brown eyes and sandy blonde hair. Avignon stood next to them, tightly grasping the hand of a (h/c) haired girl. Avi, as (Y/N) called her, had sapphire blue eyes and caramel brown hair. Besides Avi, (Y/N), and the twins, there were six other children present: Noah, the rambunctious redhead with a mythical creature affinity; Josephine with dark brown hair, piercing gray eyes, and a love for plants; Reuel, the storyteller with knowing green eyes; Milo, the curious one with icy blue eyes and a laugh like windchimes; Seraphine whose magic resembled an intricate artwork with golden hair that mimicked her magic; Grace, the bravest of them all with the most scrapes and random branches caught in her snow-white hair.

They grew up together, knowing only the company of one another. The rest of the children they once knew, long gone from their minds.

Today, they were with Miss Rose in the garden behind the manor they lived at. Their lesson on various plants had ended once they ran out of plants to identify. Now Miss Rose was going to teach them something new, something related to their direct inheritance.

“Death trails a few steps behind me, but fear only lets Death catch up. Every moment I spend living instead of fearing Death puts another step between us,” the blonde woman told the ten children standing before her. “Now, say it back to me.”

The children dutifully repeated the words back to her. They didn’t know the significance of the words that she told them. Not yet. But once they knew, they would never be able to forget.

A tiny voice breaks the silence that blanketed the group, “What does it mean, Miss Rose?”

She turned to see a little boy with crystal blue eyes looking up at her. His hand tugging on the hem of her ankle-length skirt.  _ Ah, it’s Milo, _ Miss Rose thought to herself. He’s the kid who participated the most in each class with these kids.

Smiling down at Milo, Miss Rose replied, “Thanks for asking, Milo.”

“You are all Valari,” she pauses after the statement. The children are paying full attention, knowing what came next would matter. “What you repeated to me is a reminder of what every Valari knows by heart. It’s a reminder to be brave and seize every moment you have when you are alive. As many of you know, we are in the classification between living and dead. Our duty is to prevent the rising of the undead. When necromancers attempt to bring the dead back, they do not fully bring them back. It is our job to keep the in-between clear of the dead and prevent any undead from arriving at the surface. What you repeated is a reminder to live bravely and freely because the rest of your life is dedicated to fighting the undead.”

Most of the children whispered among one another after Miss Rose finished. She did not reprimand them. They would soon go through initiation to better understand their duties as Valari and some of them would have to decide if they would accept the duty.

“Class is dismissed for the rest of the day,” Miss Rose told the children with a smile.

They rushed off in different directions, elated that there was a day off. (Y/N) and Avignon headed towards the hedge maze. They had a secret hiding spot in the maze where they often hid to share secrets and practice magic. Once they were safely within their secret space, (Y/N) was the first to break the silence.

“Avi?”

“Yeah?”

“What do you think the future holds for us?”

“Well, we’re going to be going to wizarding schools in the near future, (Y/N). I’ll be attending the one in France, and you’ll be here in England. I guess, in the future, we’ll have to make more friends.”

“You better promise to write me letters though.”

“I will, I will. But what did you mean by that question? You look as though that’s not the answer you wanted to hear.”

“I was thinking more about what Miss Rose said about the in-between. Do you think we’ll be able to fight side by side then?”

“Of course! We made a promise! We’re besties for life!”

With that, (Y/N) and Avi broke into bright smiles; they temporarily forgot that they would be split apart in a few years.

Meanwhile at Number Four, Privet Drive…

Vernon Dursley still remembered the unfortunate day when the boy had been left at their doorstep. It never failed to anger him how the freak ended up under his roof. He had lived a normal life and married a normal woman. Yet the universe mocked him by dropping a freak on his doorstep. The child had a strange scar on his forehead that never healed. A freakish business that was. Having a scar that didn’t ever heal.

Of course, like any self-respecting man he ordered his wife to deal with the child. She was to give him the bottle and care for the child. He was not going to bother himself with caring for a wailing baby. Vernon Dursley was  **not** Mr. Mommy, and his masculinity would not be insulted in such a fashion.

At first, the boy seemed as normal as his precious son, but the feeling that the boy was not like Dudley never left him. There was something awfully freakish about that child and Vernon would not tolerate it. If the boy planned to live under his roof, he was going to have to be as normal as everyone else living under it. It was right then that Vernon decided the sensible thing would be to stop feeding the boy whenever he was not acting normal.

While Harry typically appeared normal, Vernon knew better. The freakishness within Harry was merely dormant for now. He knew this because of what Petunia had told him. That magic, that unnatural stuff, Vernon would not allow Harry to use that. This boy was not to partake in any of that silly nonsense.  _ Magic _ , Vernon thought to himself in disdain. The Dursleys were a normal family and Harry would have to live up to that standard. Vernon refused to accept a child with a strange affliction known as magic; he would not be as forgiving as the Evans family that Petunia came from. Why he married that woman was beyond him sometimes. After all, she had the same blood as that freakish sister of hers. Thank goodness his precious son Dudley, who looked like him, was free of the affliction. 

Any individual who knew magic would probably tell Vernon magic was not an affliction. But to Vernon Dursley, magic was like a plague. It prevented Harry from being like his family. Magic also meant Harry could never be one of them.

By the time he was six, Harry was smaller than all of his classmates. Uncle Vernon didn’t believe in feeding a freak especially when the freak couldn’t act normally. Whenever he went without eating, his uncle always explained that he had been bad. Harry never really grasped what being bad was. It seemed that anything he did was considered bad.

His uncle always called for him, not by name, but by shouting “boy” at the top of his lungs. Sometimes Harry thought he saw the glass panes shaking at his uncle Vernon’s voice. He never mentioned that to his uncle knowing full well he’d get a beating for that. He nearly forgot that he had a name because of how rarely it was used. Although he did wonder why Dudley got called by name and not as “boy” as he did.

Vernon didn’t believe in using the name for a freak who he barely considered human. After all, which human could use magic? None that he knew. Hence calling his nephew, the boy.

Harry knew what to expect after years of living with the Dursleys. Typically, Uncle Vernon was the one who screamed and raged at Harry. His uncle would also hit him sometimes, but he was usually careful to not break any bones. After all, Vernon did not plan to take him to the hospital. However, there were times when Uncle Vernon would get too angry to remember to not break bones. Aunt Petunia would occasionally shout and throw things at him. However, she rarely actually touched him because usually Uncle Vernon would end up turning purple and hitting him. Uncle Vernon seemed to do the beating for both of them. 

As for Dudley, he learned from his parents and their example would often find the time to bully and verbally degrade him. At first, it was just name-calling, but it soon evolved into shoving him. Thankfully, Dudley had not started to hit or kick Harry for whatever reason. Perhaps it was because he’d seen Harry vomit from the beatings or saw blood. Whatever it was, Dudley had yet to do worse than pushing Harry.

He had lived in the cupboard under the stairs for as long as he could remember. There was a lock on the cupboard which Uncle Vernon often used to keep him inside for prolonged periods. Harry knew that when he was in the cupboard, there was to be absolutely no noise coming from him at all. Uncle Vernon beat that one into him. Sometimes he would have to use the bathroom in a bucket provided to him by Uncle Vernon. He didn’t always have the luxury of going to the bathroom when Uncle Vernon was too angry to let him out or simply forgot.

At first, Harry would silently cry in his cupboard after a particularly bad day. However, as time passed, Harry began to realize that crying did nothing to protect him from the Dursleys. What did help his situation was knowledge. So Harry cried less and paid more attention to the moods of the family. Sometimes he would still find himself tearing up. In those cases, he would roughly wipe the tears away and try harder to hold them in.

When Harry started attending school with Dudley, he was far behind most of his peers. The Dursleys saw no reason to prepare Harry for primary school. So while their schmoopsie poo was learning the alphabet, Harry learned his chores.

While all his classmates could write their names, Harry was struggling with the ABCs. He felt his face redden with humiliation as Dudley laughed at him. Later, when he needed to go to the bathroom, Harry felt too embarrassed to go. Instead, he held it in until he couldn’t anymore and made a huge mess. Dudley laughed at him and mocked him during that incident as well. When they got home that day, Vernon saw red. Harry wasn’t able to do much as Vernon raged, spittle and fists flying. Harry bled, inside and out. He never repeated that mistake again.

He still remembered the humiliation that Dudley got to watch his father beat Harry. His cousin stood on the stairs and cheered his father on. Aunt Petunia attempted to ignore Vernon, choosing to loudly play the radio in the kitchen. As he felt each blow, Harry felt anger. Anger that he was so helpless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> congrats, you got through the first chapter which is really long. i hope the alternating perspectives didn't trip you up. with reader i can make you mentally mature, but with harry that's not as possible. so unfortunately, you have vernon's thoughts. 
> 
> for a tiny detail, avi (your bestie in this fanfic) is going to be attending beauxbâtons. (for the record, i will NOT be doing the thing where i add the accent.) you won't see her in the fanfic until much later. however, you will be meeting another character who will accompany you to hogwarts.
> 
> i'd like to think there aren't any glaring errors, if there are don't be shy to point them out.


End file.
